"What’s the difference between a concert band and a bull? On a bull, the horns are in the front and the @sshole is in the back!"
"What’s the difference between a conductor and a sack of fertilizer? The sack."
"Why is a conductor like a condom? It’s safer with one, but more fun without."
"A musician calls the symphony office to talk to the conductor. ‘I’m sorry, he died,’ comes the reply. The musician calls back 25 times, always getting the same reply from the receptionist. At last she asks him why he keeps calling. ‘I just like to hear you say it.’"
"What’s the difference between a pig and a symphony orchestra conductor? There are some things a pig just isn’t willing to do."